I Am Stronger Because of All I've Been Through

On the other hand, none of the men who have never experienced a crisis in our life. Whether she's Believe, the atheists, Old, Young, Rich, Poor, Brown skin, Black skin, White skin all we ever pass through this life crisis. Different views of different people as well as those passing through or looking at a life crisis, some survive but there are also who failed. Whether it's a family crisis, Employment, Health, Environment, Economics, in short, everything that is on the face of this earth as long as we live, and we will never pass on this one.

I want to share this experience and try to divide, when passing through periods of crisis in my life. We may not all agree with the views and the steps that I took when passed. But let it be a blessing to us, and I admit it is not easy for us to stay strong and when passing through times of crisis, I realize we are still human beings who by grace alone because we stay strong. One of the strengths is look at the crisis as a process in which we are entering a situation that is better that already provided by Him. Yes only through spiritual glasses of faith, we will be able to and understand that when we go in times of crisis God is taking us to new things. 

Life has given me some real curves and made me the person my mom saw in me and told me a number of times that I was. Life made me change when I lost a person that I love but he gave me the skills and strength I needed I just never used them till I didn't have him there to lean on. Yes I know but I was not a mama's girl just unsuccessful in life. I still have a life to lead and I intend to lead it but I have to get some things taken care of.

On the outside, my life has always looked idyllic. Some people thought it was perfect-when in fact, it was far from it. I had panic attacks on and off for many years.  My parents were afraid and frustrated, wondering what they had done to cause such fear and to fail me. I often wondered the same. I tried for many years to think up reasons why I deserved to suffer. There were none, so I felt even more distraught.

I learning from painful experiences.In my first story,I talked about how I cried my eyes out over a failed attempt to try something new. But as painful as these experiences are,it's these painful experiences that have helped me become stronger over time.

I have realized many things lately and I have been so very blind to a lot of things and people. I let my fear and insecurity put me in a really low spot for some time.

I let some people down, and I let myself down even more. I should have followed my heart, I knew it was all wrong but I did not listen to my inner self. I could have avoided a lot of the pain had I used my intelligence. I was impulsive and acted without thinking first.

It took me some time, a lot of discomfort, anger and tears but I am now glad I've been through this specific heartache. I feel stronger and wiser. I am smiling now, because I know that life is putting me where I am meant to be. Everything happens for some reason. I feel like it is leading me to what, or who I am meant for and when I feel alone and overwhelmed, I think about that and it comforts me.

I really hope and pray that life leads me to someone who I can really connect with. Someone who I can talk to for hours and who can teach me things that I never knew before, things that could open me up in more ways. An individual who isn't afraid to express what they are thinking or feeling at any time and who believes in good things, in love and in possibility.  I've never known someone like that before. 

Even just a great friend like that would be the best thing to ever happen in my life. Someone who won't leave, like everyone else does.

Every day I feel closer to finding that, or to it finding me. 

With Love,..

 

Lailyana Ayu