~What Do You Want, Abang,..~

Last The end of October 2013, by accident,...  when I was looking for articles that can provide motivation for myself this time, .. Because I think Right now I need to motivated myself. Then,.. I found an account google in my name.  I was very surprised, .. but later I know someone who made ​​the account is. 

First of all,... I am very sorry if I must to write THIS,.. in this blog, because I think I must to explain to everyone who HIS MEAN to showed.  And I believed his FRIEND will read or see the account google he created on My name.. Weather you are believe or  not,... That not important for me... because I have  fhoto and I have a vice from the doctor too, to PROVE WHY I MUST TO  DECIDE THIS. I see, the friends list circle on this account, is almost his friends. so then he have a Mision here, I think... So on.

I do not know why he made ​​a new account on google on my name, and my last name is still using his name. what exactly he wanted to show to everyone??? ESPECIALLY TO HIS FRIENDS,... Or SENIOR,.. Or JUNIOR,... because,.... if he wants to a better relations again, there was never any continuance that he wanted to be with again... or no realization that shows or proves that he wanted to be with again. no effort. He's do NOTHING. Since I decided to moved to my parents house because to obey his command, he never come to my  parents house to face our problems with me in front of my Parents, because I think we have a big problems here.  Sounds like a COWARD HUH!! ( PENGECUT). He send his dad to fixed his problem,..  unfortunately, . because I was expecting that he would come and solve his own problems. If He come with his dad,.. it is surely much better. So if  he does not love me anymore, .. he can returns  me back as well to my family .

He just stop in attention to us, stop in fulfilling the kids,... although I did not expect it,... I am very sincere with what he decided for his own  good self,.. I can't or I never want to force him to fulfilled his kids, if he doesn't want.  Maybe, I don't have a Job,..but there still a lot I can do totaly for my kids,... I can fulfill my kids by myself,... but I see from the attention and effort side,.. which shows that  indeed there is no more that he wants to keep save household anymore . . in other words, he agrees with the separation or divorce. And he show me that he want to  Stop to remember his kids. I never teach my childrens to hate his daddy. But the kids just know by they self,...  expesially my eldest son,... when I go to bandung, I give him a mobile phone,.. and then I called his daddy and to let his to know, that ferdi have a mobile phone, so if he have a time, he can talk to HIS KIDS. But that never Happened,.. !  My son who called his dad first,.. when he say,.."Hello, papi..!" His Dad turn Off the phone. Poor my son,....!

Please,..Do not blame me if I have to take this decision. because before you blame me,..  remember what you have done  to me during this 11-year period of relationship...  your friends never know that we have a  big problem,... because I never talk to anyone,.. until I feel I can not stand again with this. I never reported your act to your leader,... though,.. I really want a justice for myself. But I still have a heart for not to reported your act,... So for what else,.. for what reasons,... he  burdening my mind with the account that he created? What do you want to prove to your friends...? To Prove that he still love me? or what?.. or to prove that he is a nice and kind person? Ya you are a nice and kind man,... and then what,...  I know he have the right,... But I hope  he will delete that account. No need again to prove anything,..  I just want to forget about behind scene of life. Hearts and minds is never line.. I wish I could forget all the pain and a forgive him. Move forward without the burden. But sometimes,.. moving on doens't mean you forget about things,.. it's just means you have to accept what happened and continue living.

Just take care and hopefully he will always happilly with the right person. I plan to forgive and to forget.

Lailyana Ayu