My heart is screaming out, "I CAN'T STAND THIS!!!!!" The waiting. The wondering. The emotion, at times, is too much to take. I need to scream out loud, yet my motherly instinct of wanting to protect my child from being afraid covers my mouth. This is too much for anyone to have to bear. Fear. I have never been so afraid.
I know God is with me. I know He is in control. I know He loves me.... yet my heart just aches beyond words. I just want to be on the other side of all of this looking back. I can no longer pray for myself without the help of others. Scripture and music are what brings me comfort. At times I look down and notice that my whole body is just trembling, and the lump in my stomach is growing bigger each day.